Banana Bread

It’s probably time for a little light relief after my last couple of posts. I thought I’d have a go at baking for the hubs a couple of nights ago. I collected Emilia from nursery early and we headed home to make some healthy-ish banana bread from Danielle Walker's Against All Grain book. If this had been a film, or probably in Danielle Walker's perfect house, Dan would’ve come home from work to the lovely smell of freshly baked banana bread, while Emilia and I snuggled up on the sofa watching Frozen peacefully together. Then we would’ve all enjoyed the bread together while I reflected on smashing the shit out of motherhood and wifedom.

In reality, I very quickly lost my head over converting ‘cup’ measurements into grams, I used the wrong type of milk, dropped some egg shell into the mixture, and then Emilia royally lost her shit while the bread was still in the oven. Before all of this, I gave her the worst combination of snacks imaginable in a bid to keep her quiet in the high chair next to me in the kitchen, so I could later claim we successfully baked together. At one point, she was eating baked beans and yoghurt covered raisins at the same time, with her hands. The kitchen was chaos. Then, as she released her inner demon and began slapping me in the face, hands still covered in yoghurty beans, I grabbed the bread out of the oven in a panic and rushed upstairs to give her a wet-wipe bath and put her straight to bed. To be fair, I went upstairs feeling like I at least had one victory as the bread looked bloody amazing and had risen to twice the height of the baking tin.

When I later returned to the kitchen after Emilia had refused a cuddle, necked her milked and then began shouting for Daddy, I found the bread looking like a sad deflated balloon, with the texture of curdled jelly. Dan got home as I was flopping the disaster onto a cooling rack in the hope that it would ‘dry out a bit’ and would be vaguely edible. Sensing the tone at this point, he muttered that it will probably still taste ok and went quietly off upstairs to settle the night terrorist who had risen again and was screaming at the top of her lungs.

This series of events literally ruined my day. I went into an absolute sulk, claimed I didn’t want any dinner (even though I was ravenous), put on my dressing gown and sat in silence watching Celebs Go Dating. The stinking mood continued even after Dan had made the dinner, but properly escalated when the words ‘are you being moody to wind me up?’ later fell from his lips. Cue a major rant, which I think may have included a phrase similar to ‘I still have down days - I’ve got depression, you prick’. Seriously, how has he not asked me for a divorce yet?

I’m sitting here two days later laughing at the whole evening, and feeling so bloody embarrassed about being ever so slightly psychotic over some sodding banana bread. I’m not even sure I can put this down to one of my ‘bad’ days. I think I was just being a horrible bitch.

If you fancy a laugh at my expense, here’s how the bread should have looked:

…And here we have my version:

It’s so shiny! Nailed it.

For those of you with better baking skills/more patience than me who would like to try the recipe, here it is:

Ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted (plus some extra for greasing the pan)

• 4 large eggs

• 3 tablespoons honey

• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract

• 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar

• 1/2 cup coconut flour, sifted

• 1/4 cup blanched almond flour, sifted

• 1 tsp baking soda

• 1/2 tsp sea salt

• 1/2 cup coconut milk

• 3 large very ripe bananas

• * Optional add ins: chocolate chips, walnuts, dried cranberries, or raisins

Method:

Preheat oven to 350F.

Grease the sides and bottom of a loaf pan with coconut oil.

Place coconut oil, eggs, honey, vanilla, and vinegar into a mixer and beat on high for 30 seconds. (You can use a stick blender or hand mixers as well).

Combine the coconut flour, almond flour, baking soda, and sea salt in a bowl, then add them to the wet ingredients, beating on high until combined.

Place the coconut milk and bananas in a separate bowl and mash until it resembles baby food.

Add the banana mixture to the batter and beat on medium until thoroughly combined.

Mix in optional add ins if desired.

Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan and bake for 40-45 minutes, until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Remove from the oven and allow the loaf to cool for about 15 minutes.

Good luck!

S x