Super Sister to the rescue

I can’t believe it’s been almost six weeks since I last wrote anything on here! Going back to work has meant my days have been a lot more hectic and my brain a lot more tired, but most importantly it has encouraged me to make the most of any precious free time. Just looking at my diary shows how far I have come recently, how much progress I have made in working on a better version of myself, and that I’ve spent very little time wanting to be shut away inside. Well done me.

It was my sister Ems who has inspired me to write today, as this morning I had a moment of feeling overwhelmingly in awe of her. We were enjoying our usual day-off morning routine visit to town, which inevitably kick starts with coffee and cake, while Mils and Coops take it upon themselves to perform for anyone willing to watch. I have absolutely no problem in admitting that the two of them are complete and utter lunatics. I’m talking bat shit, shout at the top of their lungs, roll around on the floor, crazy. But, for the most part, they are happy little lunatics, full of love and laughter, who are both incredibly sociable, and (in my humble opinion) bloody hilarious. So, when we were enjoying our coffees this morning, and a woman on the next table was incredibly rude about them, my blood absolutely boiled. As the two of them reached a particularly high pitch, she started by exclaiming ‘for God’s sake’, followed by a horrific scowl in their direction, before asking us in an aggressive tone whether they had to screech. This was followed by her describing the two of them as ‘awful’. To be clear, yes, they were being loud. They were over excited, and appeared to be competing over who was the loudest. They are also not even two years old, were playing so nicely together, and we purposely choose the most child-friendly coffee shop in town to avoid disturbing anyone’s quiet time. Ems and I were caught so off guard by this woman, that our immediate reaction was to apologise, and then tell the kids off. Then I felt annoyed at myself for apologising, because I absolutely believe that manners cost nothing, and had she asked nicely for us to quieten them down, we would have probably moved away to give her a break. But she didn’t. She was so incredibly rude that Ems and I stewed over her comments for the rest of the coffee date, and I felt my heart racing with so much anger when she continued to shoot disapproving looks in our general direction. The trouble is, neither of us would usually have the balls to do anything about it, and I would’ve left muttering to myself and feeling wound up for the rest of the day.

However, this morning as we were preparing to leave, Ems turned back and, in the most calm and articulate way, quite frankly tore strips off this woman. It was amazing. I was pretty much out of the door and stood open-mouthed as my sister was lecturing her about manners, and how to speak to people appropriately. As I ventured back inside to hear more, it became clear that the woman had completely backed down and was offering her sincere apologies for being so rude. Someone had shown aggression towards the youngest of the pack, and Ems had fully engaged her protective fearless female mode. Sure, this was followed by us having fits of giggles, Ems declaring her legs were shaking, and then us spending an obscene amount in Boots while we recovered from the shock, but to me she’s a hero none the less.

I don’t know how I would’ve coped with [motherhood] life this far without my sister. She is a constant source of strength and support, and gives me genuinely belly laughs even on the crappiest of days. Sometimes even more so on the crap days. My absolute favourite thing about us going through this motherhood journey together is so simple, but has pulled me through some incredibly dark days – she just makes me feel normal. Not in a way that she is somehow abnormal, just that she never ever judges how I parent my child. She makes it feel ok that I often forget to take Emilia’s water cup out with us, lose soft toys every other week, regularly use CBeebies and YouTube as a distraction method, and sometimes just text her calling my child a tosser. I can share anything with her, and quite often these things are followed by her reciprocating with examples of her own parenting fails, and a suggestion that we do some day-time drinking. We are doing our absolute best as Mummy’s, and could not love our babies more than we do, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when people make negative comments, or judge, or even look at us in a disapproving way. It hurts because we are trying our best, we’re working our hardest, we’re always SO TIRED, and hanging out in a pack with Ems and Cooper is most definitely the place I feel safest to be completely myself.

As an example of the normality she brings me, there was an occasion not so long ago when Ems made me laugh so much I lost the ability to walk. It was a freakishly hot day, and the terrible twosome had been unusually well-behaved walking around the shops, so we decided to treat them to an ice-cream. Yes, I let my child have sugar. Deal with it. The nearest place we could go for said ice-cream was somewhere neither of us enjoy, or would usually admit to visiting. We took them to McDonald's, where [Ems and I appeared to turn into big kids ourselves, and managed to successfully gee the kids up into a frenzy] the ice-cream turned them feral. I can’t remember what Cooper did to cause Emsie’s head to explode as we were leaving, but I looked back to see ice-cream smeared everywhere, and the boy getting a slap on the bum. Ems then shot out of the door, much in the 100 miles per hour fashion of Dirty Di, bright red in the face, and exclaimed to me half laughing/half crying ‘Oh god, I’ve just smacked my child’s bum in public…IN MCDONALDS’. She was absolutely mortified, and I offered all the support I could by completely and utterly losing it with how funny I found the whole situation. We then stood together in the car park, unbearably hot and bothered, crying genuine tears of laughter, and feeling so very lucky to have each other to lean on when we feel like we’re losing it. By the time we had composed ourselves, any worries about judgement from bystanders had completely vanished. That’s the true magic of our little squad.

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Next time someone upsets Emilia, or me, or is just unnecessarily rude, I will remember this morning and try to take courage from it, because standing up for us and our children is something Ems handled today like an absolute boss.

Yes, I’ve just spent this blog post fan-girling over my big sister, and I’m not even sorry. With a sisterhood like ours, I know the angels on our shoulders have got our backs just as much as we have got each other’s.

S x