Life in the bubble

I can't really believe the start of lockdown was announced eight weeks ago! If time flies when you're having fun, it soars by even faster when you're parenting during a pandemic! I'm someone who enjoys my own space and company, so being needed for something by someone from the moment I'm woken up through to my precious hour of tv in the evenings is one aspect of our current 'normal' I sometimes find really tough. Aside from that, life in this little bubble continues for the most part to be filled with laughter, cuddle club and exhausting chaos. I never expected to be sharing this mat-leave with both my babies, but Dougie for one couldn't be happier about it.

The recent (very slight) easing of lockdown restrictions by the UK government hasn't really changed anything for us just yet. Besides now taking more than one walk a day, and today for the first time (in six bloody weeks!) travelling by car to a new walking spot, we're largely remaining tucked away. I think it's great to help ease loneliness that people can meet up with one other person at a distance, but that's not for us at this stage. I've worked really bloody hard to keep our little space safe and healthy for us all, and have felt mentally triggered by a few things recently which, in my eyes, could have threatened that. I'm so aware that it's a massive privilege that I'm able to be at home solely focusing on the kids right now, when so many can't do the same, so the very least I can do is act responsibly. It doesn't matter how many times I hear that 'most' children will only be mildly affected, that'll just never be a risk I'm willing to take. The hubs and I also need to be ok for them, and considering as I write this Mils has climbed onto my shoulders because she 'needs' me, not being a constant presence for them right now just isn't an option for me. No one can predict how they will be affected by a virus we hadn't even heard of up until a few months ago so, for now, our little bubble is holding strong.

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There's another aspect to this I haven't really touched upon openly in relation to how Mils is coping, partly for privacy, but also because for the most part she's processing and reacting to all of this far better than I ever could have imagined. But, she is four, and very sociable, and there is so very much to this that she won't and shouldn't have to understand. We're pretty lucky she's content being at home, and doing allll the activities has so far kept the boredom minimal. She gets it as much as she can that this is a temporary situation, and that her friends are doing the same thing, but she also worries a lot, which is not something many people will ever really see. No one else sees that she now follows me to the loo because she needs to know where I am, or bursts into tears if she can't find the crayon she wants. No one else hears how she'll ask when Dan will be home every five minutes if he ever needs to pop out, or see how full of worry she will be after occasionally seeing loved ones from a distance on the doorstep. Of course this is affecting her, I don't know many people it isn't, and what works for her right now is consistency and all the cuddles. She also likes to know 'the rules' and will loudly point out a rule break if she spots one when we're out walking... as well as asking loudly why people aren't cutting their grass...

We've now reached the time where we need to indicate to the school whether she'll be likely to return if it reopens in June. It feels impossible to know at this stage! It's all very dependant on how 'school' will look, because finishing her first year in a socially distant alien environment could introduce a negativity she has not yet ever associated with school. Lots to think about and read up on, but one thing that is certain is the hubs and I will make the decision together based on what fits best at that time... maybe on a day when we're not trying to break each other with passive aggression. 'Seriously, it's 5.30pm and you're still typing, why can't you feel me silently burning the back of your head with my eyes?!'

I mentioned in my last post that doing things our own way has never been easier, and that really is the beauty of our little bubble - we can do our own thing one day at a time, making decisions as we go along, as long as everyone feels healthy and safe. Until a time when we're more confident we can be healthy and safe with the big wide world again, this is where we'll be.

There is no 'one size fits all' in any aspect of life, but we can find what feels right for ourselves. There will soon be a time when we can be together with our village in a natural environment once again, with all the cuddles and play time, and sharing each others homes. It doesn't make sense for us at the moment to attempt distant interaction, which at times has caused each member of our household to feel upset. Now, more than ever, we're just doing 'us', and in all honesty I'm so proud of the courage I've built up to be able to do so.

Keep as safe as you can everyone,

S x